We have a rather large backyard. And with that backyard comes a variety of wildlife. Like, say, hawks and their squirrely prey. So today a hawk had caught himself a squirrel and was settling in for an afternoon snack when my mom, oblivious to his peaceful snacking, opened the back door, released the dog and the dog promptly scared the hawk so badly he flew off forgetting his snack.
Thankfully the dog was tempted back inside with cheese before she discovered the left-behind squirrel.
My dog, Chai, would have eaten it. With glee.
But now my mother and I had a dilemma. You see, Chai needs the backyard. For things. So we can't conceivably keep her from it forever. And Dad was off doing errands so he couldn't take care of it.
Mom and I sat hoping that the hawk would come back for his tasty morsel.
No luck.
So my mom 'nope'd out of the situation, went upstairs, and told me to tell dad. I, however, was slightly curious and not totally resigned to making dad deal with it. So I armed myself with a shovel and mom's advice to fling it over the fence into the no-man's-land that is the busy street and sidewalk and grassy patches beyond our fence. (Halfway to the squirrel Hawk flew overhead again. I stepped back to let him have his snack if he so wished. He didn't take me up on that offer. I must have looked too menacing in my sweats and slippers.)
Dead squirrels are cute. I told Squirrel this as I looked at it's lifeless body. I tried to gently scoop up the squirrel with my shovel.
You know how when you eat rice with a fork sometimes the grains refuse to get on your fork?
Yeah.
So I got myself a stick (a very long stick. This stick must have been 6 or 7 feet) to help nudge Squirrel into the soft, comfortable resting place that is the cradle of my shovel. After some tricky work and more words to Squirrel (anyone walking by must think I am insane as I tell Squirrel "You are so cute but you are so dead please get in the shovel cute dead squirrel") I did it! I got the squirrel into the shovel!
As I made my way to our back fence I look into the shovel just to make sure Squirrel is just as cute and just as dead as it was when I nudged it in on its belly. IT WAS LYING ON ITS BACK. I screamed. But it still seemed dead.
Deep breaths.
Now my back yard has an 8 foot tall fence.
I am 5 feet tall.
I am panicking because I am cradling a dead but cute but lifeless squirrel and Hawk is still flying around somewhere and I am a little afraid he is offended by me trying to get his snack out of my yard.
So I don't think things through clearly. I stop, ready my shovel and CATAPULT....
The squirrel right into the fence.
I may have laughed. I may have stifled a terrified giggle. But I went back for more. As I looked down at Squirrel laying next to my fence it was just as cute and lifeless. I tried to scoop it up against the fence.
No luck.
I got my helpful 7 foot pole back and nudged Squirrely McCulkin back into my shovel-nest.
And tossed it.
This time it went over.
Good thing too, otherwise it would have fallen on my head.
I think it only made it 3 feet from the other side of the fence. But I did it.
TL;DR - I catapulted a dead squirrel into a fence.
Then I catapulted the same dead squirrel over the same fence.
